Tadaaa, here's a second fill, as promised. It's actually set in canon, go me. But writing not-Kingsguard!Jon is just confusing, it feels all weird to me. ;)
The Night's Watch takes no part. It does not matter which king wins the Iron Throne. Jon keeps repeating the words in his mind, but he is less and less convinced of them. King Stannis Baratheon was hardly a pleasant guest at Castle Black, demanding, prickly, irascible, and yet Jon finds his respect growing every time he talks to the king. Every time he kneels and Stannis tells him in that impatient voice to get up. Every time Stannis gives him that angry look that is still tinged with respect since Jon refused Winterfell.
But it is not wishing for Stannis' victory that unsettles Jon most. He knows he shouldn't think that Stannis would make a better king than a Lannister bastard, but at least it is not a selfish thought. It is not only the desire to see the Lannisters punished that makes him take Stannis' side, but also his hope that the realm will finally get a king who puts his duties above his wishes.
The true shame comes with other thoughts, more secret even, hidden so deep that he barely allows himself to dwell on them, thoughts that make him blush just by crossing his mind. Thoughts he has no excuse for.
The king is not a handsome man. He is too gaunt and too pale to look healthy, his broad shoulders and large hands are intimidating more than attractive, the blue of his eyes is as dark and threatening as the sea on a stormy night. But there is something about him that brings Jon's thoughts back to him again and again: the determination in his eyes, the uncompromising harshness that seems born out of duty rather than arrogance. Jon finds that he does not mind bending the knee to him every time they meet. That he would not mind staying on his knees if the king asked him to.
He suppresses those thoughts every time he stands in front of Stannis, but it is much more difficult to resist when he's alone, retired to his room, the king's voice still ringing in his ears, full of anger and grudging respect. He should not be thinking that he would hate to lose that respect, no matter the cost. It frightens him even more than the fact that Stannis still rules his thoughts every time Jon touches himself. Afterwards he always promises himself that he will never think of the king again, not that way, but his determination only ever holds until the next night.
He tells himself that thinking it may not be that bad, as long as he does not say a word.
Fill #2: Stannis/Jon, things he shouldn't think - or say
The Night's Watch takes no part. It does not matter which king wins the Iron Throne. Jon keeps repeating the words in his mind, but he is less and less convinced of them. King Stannis Baratheon was hardly a pleasant guest at Castle Black, demanding, prickly, irascible, and yet Jon finds his respect growing every time he talks to the king. Every time he kneels and Stannis tells him in that impatient voice to get up. Every time Stannis gives him that angry look that is still tinged with respect since Jon refused Winterfell.
But it is not wishing for Stannis' victory that unsettles Jon most. He knows he shouldn't think that Stannis would make a better king than a Lannister bastard, but at least it is not a selfish thought. It is not only the desire to see the Lannisters punished that makes him take Stannis' side, but also his hope that the realm will finally get a king who puts his duties above his wishes.
The true shame comes with other thoughts, more secret even, hidden so deep that he barely allows himself to dwell on them, thoughts that make him blush just by crossing his mind. Thoughts he has no excuse for.
The king is not a handsome man. He is too gaunt and too pale to look healthy, his broad shoulders and large hands are intimidating more than attractive, the blue of his eyes is as dark and threatening as the sea on a stormy night. But there is something about him that brings Jon's thoughts back to him again and again: the determination in his eyes, the uncompromising harshness that seems born out of duty rather than arrogance. Jon finds that he does not mind bending the knee to him every time they meet. That he would not mind staying on his knees if the king asked him to.
He suppresses those thoughts every time he stands in front of Stannis, but it is much more difficult to resist when he's alone, retired to his room, the king's voice still ringing in his ears, full of anger and grudging respect. He should not be thinking that he would hate to lose that respect, no matter the cost. It frightens him even more than the fact that Stannis still rules his thoughts every time Jon touches himself. Afterwards he always promises himself that he will never think of the king again, not that way, but his determination only ever holds until the next night.
He tells himself that thinking it may not be that bad, as long as he does not say a word.